OverviewA middle child was born between the oldest and youngest children in a family that has three kids. Many parents do not realize how a child's age in relation to his or her siblings' can affect personality, development and state of mind. Additionally, parents often cling more to the oldest and youngest children because they represent the beginning of parenthood and the end of that era
Middle Child Syndrome
This refers to the feelings a child in the middle of the birth order have about being unimportant compared to their siblings. Middle children never get the benefit of having the undivided attention of their parents like the oldest does, and the attention they receive is further split once a younger sibling is born. This perceived lack of individual attention can manifest itself in the child and cause personality and behavioral problems.
Causes
Parents tend to be more attentive with the oldest and youngest, leaving the middle child to fight for individual attention. The middle child is not celebrated for accomplishing milestones because parents aren't as excited, having already experienced these moments with the oldest. Parents also tend to concentrate their attention on the youngest because the younger children need more from them.
Symptoms and Behaviors
Middle children tend to suffer from low self esteem. They believe that they are not special or unique in anyway. Middle children also grow resentful of the lack of personalized attention and often vocalize these feelings. The resentful feelings often lead to sibling rivalry. Middle children tend to fight for attention and crave the spotlight within the family. The behavior of middle children tends to go between extremes. They may be rebellious at some times and extreme people-pleasers at others.
Ah, I have heard of only child syndrome, youngest child syndrome, eldest child syndrome... and now this!... middle child syndrome! hahaha... I agree wholeheartedly that the order of birth does play a role in the development of children's overall personality! How they are treated by their parents will definitely influences their experience and perception of the world around them.
9 comments:
Yes, ive heard of this... the usually neglected one.
I'm amazed that the parent is able to identify this 'syndrome'. Probably due to higher exposure to information on bringing up kids or the increased ability to assess the situation without emotions getting into the way. Cos i think our parents will either ignore or whack you for craving attention.
What i am really interested is more evidence on eldest child interactions. I'm eldest and most of my close friends are numero uno as well, except the one particular friend who is also studying masters... yes, yew! haha.
And whether it's true that eldest coupling eldest is not a good match...
I don't quite believe eldest + eldest coupling is bad-I have a pair of couple friends-11 years together. Plus if both are eldest,won't their personalities match more favorably?
By the way, do u know there's an only child syndrome as well?
yup, heard of only child syndrome, youngest child syndrome, eldest child syndrome as well. i can try to post an entry on these snyndromes when i'm free, hahaha...
there's theory that coupling eldest is not a good match? hmm, it's possible... since both are the eldest in the family and are likely to have a stronger personality / character since they will have to lead by example for their younger siblings and to meet higher expectations from parents.
one thing for sure, parenting is tough!! parents need to worry about their child's daily needs, education, character building, etc... and now all these only child, eldest child, middle child, youngest child syndromes... need to ensure you shower the equal love and attention on each child!
Yeah it's apparently bad cos both are strong leaders and their characters may clash when it comes to making decisions. So it was suggested that eldest-youngest match would be better.
Does that leave middle-middle? haha. Never say, must have been neglected AGAIN.
Well for me, i'd rather take my chances with eldest-eldest cos i cannot stand weak character in men. And every relationship is give and take. So regardless of whatever coupling i suppose.
Yaya, tough. Imagine teachers with 35 kids times number of classes. *vomit*
Yah I feel the middle child syndrome is kinda true, cos I have 2 families of relatives like that in which I feel the middle child in each case is more neglected.
However, this does not seem to apply to Daniel cos he seems to be his mum's favourite. :p
is it cos he's amongst sisters? then must factor in sexual bias from parents bah... and other bias as a factor of fact, e.g., if a child is ill/handicap/super talented, then it tweaks the trend a bit.
Eldest male seems to get the worst deal from what I see. Extra stress and no predecessor to learn from.
Things are very simple and comfy for me as a middle child. No worries.. In fact I got a younger sister to dote on. (Used to fetch my sis from school and carry her bags) I had enough attention when young, but I was more interested in winning fights, so no problems there. Maybe too comfortable. Have you noticed that a cyclist, runner or swimmer tends to follow the front one closely behind and benefit from the tail wind, only yo emerge after the bend? I guess I like to be that. Hm, I think I bully my family members quite often. Ever since me and my siblings out grew my mom, we have taken more responsibility in taking care and protecting our parents. Can't really talk about being neglected already. More like we neglect them by leaving them at home.
Being the youngest is not good either. Too pampered. Also, you have no younger sibling to look after and dote on. The best is to throw your kids into society like the "eagles", and they will learn for themselves. I like the way my uncle treat their kids. No pocket money after secondary education. They are now financially independent and all doing quite well.
I have do not know of a middle child who was neglected during childhood. Being sandwiched means you are safe/free to do whatever you want...
no I am not mom's fav. We all are. My mom is a "mother hen". She keeps her chicks close beside her, and loves each one lots..
Ultimately, it really doesn't matter if it is a 1st-1st child match up. The individual characteristics are more important. Common understanding, similar interests, aligned goals, mutual attraction and tolerance make the perfect match. I don't think that you will reconsider a crush if you found out that he is the youngest child right? Also, this issue plays a lesser role when the person is much older, having been out in society long enough. Sounds like a topic for a GP essay..
Emi: he has an elder bro and a younger sis. R u saying he's the super talented one? Hahaha... Maybe cos he's quite filial and calls back home to chat with his mum when he's outside. Super close to his mum. always brings her out.
dan: wah u just wrote a gp essay. U're too humble, u r ur mum's fav. :p
Don't think eldest son gets the worst deal. Parents tend to put their hopes on them therefore they get an opportunity to be a leader and their opinions r valued in the family. Just thinking of my cousin as an example.
yeah. agreed with selene. Daniel, u r a good essay writer. Whats ur GP grade in school?
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