5 Things Your Girlfriend Won't Tell You

1. We like the chase – you chasing us.

Yep, it’s sad but true that when a guy is too eager to catch us we wonder why. What is wrong with this guy? Why is he so clingy? Is he a control freak? Is he a serial dater? A player with many girlfriends on the go? Is he insane? It’s not that we don’t want to be caught, we do, we just don’t want to feel trapped and when things happen too fast trapped is how we feel. We need to be sure of our feelings and of our attraction before we can step off the racetrack and give up the chase. You need to woo us to make us yours. Some guys lay out traps, saying all the right things and meaning none of them, in an attempt to woo us and this gives way to our biggest fear; falling prey to an insincere guy who is more about the game than being in a relationship. For this reason even once we’re yours, even once we are sure of your feelings and you are sure of ours, we need to still feel a little bit of the chase. When you chase us we feel like you want us and are willing to do some work to be with us and we don’t want that feeling to go away just because you’ve caught us.

2. When we say we’re “OK” or that things are “fine” the opposite is probably true.

Girls are communicators. It is hardwired in to our psyches to talk and talk and talk some more whenever there is discord or conflict. So if you sense there’s a problem and gather the courage to ask us and we respond with a “fine” or “it’s ok” or some other sentence with less than 7 (short) words chances are good that we really want to talk. So, you think, what’s a guy to do? You ask a question, you get an answer, and you plan based on that answer. Who wants to read between the lines or guess what is really going on? What a waste of time, right? Wrong! When girls pull the short answers out during a conversation it is because we want you to put the effort in to getting us to open up. It comes from a place of feeling like you don’t usually care what we have to say so we want you to put some effort in to getting us to talk so we can be sure we will be listened to. Now those perceptive guys among you may have your hands up right now waiting to ask the obvious question… if a girl feels like she’s not usually heard isn’t that the REAL problem? Yes, yes it is, and one little talk won’t stop that feeling of being marginalized. In psychology we call this a learned response, a behavior that does not come naturally but rather has been developed through a process called social conditioning. You may very well be the most attentive boyfriend since the dawn of time but if her previous guys made her feel insignificant or unheard you’ll have to help her carry that baggage. Heck, you’ll have to help her unpack it and put it away! So when your girl replies with a curt little answer to your questions don’t take her at face value. Calmly and gently ask her a few more times. Once she feels like you will hear her nature will take over and, voila! You’ll be communicating.

3. We want you to have your guy time.

It is such a myth that girls don’t like to let their guy just hang with the boys. It's a terrible lie perpetrated by relationship-phobes throughout the ages. It is totally untrue that we want you to give up your life to be with us. Think of it this way… when we met you and fell for you, you were (hopefully) single and your friends were a big part of your life. Take your friends away and a big piece of the guy we fell for goes with them. So we want you to keep your guy time. We know you need your friends and truth be told we need our friends too. That being said, obviously when you are single you have lots of spare time to spend with friends but when you are in a relationship some of that time is going to be taken up by your significant other (A.K.A. us). That is only normal. It is normal for you to need your guy time and it is normal for you to want to spend time with us. If you find the right balance the guy-time issue quickly becomes a non-issue. It is when we feel like you don’t make as much time for us as you do for them or that you resent being away from your friends when you are with us that the stereotypical “girlfriend verses the friends” scenario takes the stage. It’s all about balance. Spending time with your friends or with us will never be an issue as long as there is a balance and as long as we never feel that they mean more to you than we do or that they come always first.

4. We want to know your friends but aren’t so sure you need to know ours.

I’m not going to lie; this is hypocrisy in its most raw form. We want you to bring us around your friends, we want to know them and we want them to like us, but we aren’t quite as crazy about you knowing our friends. The why of this is as simple as it is irrational and here it is… we want to know your boys so we can understand the kinds of things they may get you to do when we’re not around. In short, will they encourage you to cheat on us, will they get you doing reckless and dangerous things, and will they help you engage in self-destructive activities? What we want to know is if they will be good or bad influences on you. We also want to create a buffer; we want your friends to like us so that they won’t want you to lose us. If there is no tension between your friends and us then we don’t need to fear them asking you to choose between love and friendship. Now on the flip side, we don’t really want you getting all chummy with our friends because we don’t want them to fill you in on all of our dirty little secrets. As previously noted girls are talkers by nature and we don’t want them to let something slip that may make you raise an eyebrow in our direction. We also fear, but will never admit fearing, you wanting one of our friends more than you want us. It’s bad enough to lose your guy to another girl but when that girl was once a friend, well, the sting is even sharper. So allow us this hypocrisy. It’s irrational, that's true, but it’s also quite harmless.

5. We worry that other girls look better now that you are in a relationship.

Mike nailed the core of every girlfriend's relationship insecurity on the head when he brought up the GIGS (Grass Is Greener Syndrome). The idea that life is better on the other side is one of the most destructive forces in relationship world and girls feel that guys fall for it way too often. It is a great fear of ours that once you can’t have other girls you will suddenly want them all. It leads to a lot of unfounded jealousy brought on by innocent comments on your part or casual non-flirtatious conversations with other girls. So what’s a guy to do? In a perfect world you’d stop interacting with other girls altogether but our rational super-ego knows that’s not realistic. What you need to do is follow these three simple rules; 1) never pay more attention to another girl than you do to your girlfriend, 2) never comment over and over how hot/cool/nice/fun another girl is, and 3) if you meet a great girl while you’re in a relationship hook her up with one of your buddies (also known as taking her off the market and getting her out of our face). And should you ever really get the itch to jump the fence and live life on the other side... just do it! Don’t lead us on, don’t cheat on us, don’t sneak around, just end the relationship. If it ends up being a GIGS fueled mistake… oh well, consider it a hard lesson learned and leave us alone... we won't want you back anyway!

taken from http://teenadvice.about.com/od/loveanddating/a/gf5secrest_2.htm

5 Things Your Boyfriend Won't Tell You

1. We like being “the boyfriend.”
Girls often think that guys are players-at-heart who love the single life and only settle down because society tells them that they have to, but nothing could be further from the truth. Sure there are some guys who get a serious case of the GIGS (Grass Is Greener Syndrome) every time they make a commitment to a girl but these guys are the exception not the rule. We other guys have a word to describe our flakey won’t settle down counterparts – immature. For the most part guys love being in love just as much as girls do.

2. We don’t like when you pull away from us.
Guys are competitive beasts so you’d think that the hard to get game would make us give chase, and in the beginning stages of a relationship it does, but once we’ve settled in and made a commitment to you we want the chase to stop. If you keep it up, if you keep pushing us away with your right hand while pulling us closer with your left, you’ll quickly find that we start pulling away altogether. Once we open our hearts the game totally changes for us. We don’t want to chase you forever so when you pull away from us, we pull away from you in what amounts to a psychological tug-o-war. The more you pull away the more we respond in kind. Keep it up and everyone just gets tired and calls it quits. So once you’ve landed your guy don’t keep playing hard to get, instead let him know that you’re happy you were caught.

3. We want our friends to like you… but not love you.
In guy world the approval of our friends is very important so it makes sense that we want our friends to like you. But what we don’t want is for them to covet you. When we hook up with a very hot girl and our buddies ogle her it is a real turn off. This is why so many really pretty girls find themselves single. We just can’t handle the thought of losing you to one of our friends because if that happens we lose our girl, one of our boys and a big chunk of our egos. So if our friends like you and think you're cool that’s great but if they wish they could have you that’s bad. Unfortunately this is totally out of your control. Rest assured that as guys get older we get more secure and this one matters less but in the meantime know this - if you’ve ever been dumped by a guy who you thought really liked you shortly after meeting his friends take comfort in the fact that you were probably just too hot for him to handle.

4. We want you to like, but not love, our friends.
This one goes along with the other one for obvious reasons but there is a little more to it. Obviously we don’t want you ditching us to be with one of our buddies but we also don’t want you to work overtime trying to win our friends over. Sometimes no matter how great you are our friends will only act luke-warm toward you. This is most likely not your fault and usually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them but as long as our friends and you can hang out without incident the boyfriend in us is happy. We don’t want you to go out of your way to get our friends to like you because we want your energy focused on us and only us. We don’t want you to care what other guys think about you. We want your efforts and attentions to rest firmly on us. Is that immature? Probably. But hey, we’re guys!

5. We worry that YOU will dump US.
If there is one thing I see over and over in the girl magazines it’s question after question about how to keep a guy interested but that’s not really very hard. When we like you, we like you and that’s all there is to it. In reality we probably spend more time worrying that you’ll dump us than we would ever spend thinking about dumping you. So relax and stop fixating on how or when our relationship will end and just be our girlfriend. That’s all it really takes to keep a guy happy.


taken from http://teenadvice.about.com/od/loveanddating/a/bf5secrets.htm

Sawatdii Kha

elloz everyone, it's getting pretty bothersome to scroll all the way down for this impt discussion bout our next short hol. so here it is... discuss away.

~emi

Life is a cup of coffee??...

Food for thought.... =)

A group of alumni, all highly established in their respective careers, got together for a visit with their old university professor. The conversation soon turned to complaints about the endless stress of work and life in general.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen and soon returned with a large pot of coffee and an eclectic assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal - some plain, some expensive, some quite exquisite. Quietly he told them to help themselves to some fresh coffee. When each of his former students had a cup of coffee in hand, the old professor quietly cleared his throat and began to patiently address the small gathering.

''You may have noticed that all of the nicer looking cups were taken up first, leaving behind the plainer and cheaper ones. While it is only natural for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is actually the source of much of your stress-related problems.'

He continued...''Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In fact, the cup merely disguises or dresses up what we drink. What each of you really wanted was coffee, not a cup, but you instinctively went for the best cups. Then you began eyeing each other's cups.'

''Now consider this: Life is coffee. Jobs, money, and position in society are merely cups. They are just tools to shape and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not truly define nor change the quality of the Life we live. Often, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee that has been provided for us. Enjoy your coffee!''

The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have...so please remember:

Live simply. Love generously. Care Deeply. Speak kindly.

And remember - the richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.

The Ireland Series- Week One

From your local correspondent in Dublin, Ireland:

Dear friends,

It has been exactly one week since I touched down in Ireland. After a gruelling 16.5 hours flight- 13 to London, 2 hours in transit, and another hour plus from London to Dublin, I finally touched down in Dublin. I touched down- sleepy eyed and dazed from jet lag, and the driver picked me up as planned. After a quick city tower, he brought me to Tesco (a supermarket) and made some grocery purchases. Following that I was brought to my apartment and gratefully went to concuss in the big comfortable bed. Lunch was settled at a nearby restaurant, and I managed to meet an ex-colleague’s friend for dinner. Finally- at least I know 1 person in Dublin. I concussed early, and woke at 6, and had been waking about 6 for almost every day since then.





On my second day, I spent most of it sleeping it. Was feeling ill, and did not manage to go and explore. It was a really bad day. At night I was setting my ironing board- can discovered that its super low! No more than 40-50 cm high! I spend 20-30 mins in a vain attempt in trying to figure out if there was any way to set it correctly. I decided to improvise and raise the board between 2 chairs- so as to have an easier time ironing. I started ironing- only to discover that the iron is dirty! As I was without an iron, and had crumpled clothes, I had to spend an hour plus scrubbing the iron clean, and continuously tested it the cleanliness of the iron on service apartment’s towel ! Super Low morale! Subsequently, the previous occupant of the same apartment did confirm that the ironing board is super low and the iron was dirty. (SO IT WASNT ME!) A thoroughly miserable Wednesday



I started work on Day 3, Thursday, and was initially lost. It was raining, and I could somewhat wet. Certainly not the best way to start work. Fortunately the people were rather friendly, and noticed that the FS (Financial Services ) Audit is a rather multinational in nature. In my team, I have a Parkistani and Australian Co-senior. The Parkistani appeared to be rather friendly, but for unknown reasons I have some reservations. I managed to contact wan ling’s friend who also worked in KPMG and we met up for dinner. Friendly and chirpy, she put me at ease, and I discovered we stayed in the same building. She kindly allowed me to go to her flat to use her iron and I met her housemate there, a friendly and likable fellow. The gal, Widi, is a Indonesian Chinese who worked in Singapore for a few years, while the guy a Malaysian Chinese, Kim, who worked in KL and the Bahamas before going to Dublin. Yeah—New friends- and less lonely.

Friday was rather uneventful and Widi and Kim brought me out to meet other Malaysian Chinese for dinner at a Chinese restaurant. The Malaysian community was rather friendly and it was a community of Chinese looking out for each other. I took solace in the existence of such a community. At night, 4 of us played Dai DI in my apartment till 4am, and I lost 50 Euros that night. Really blew a hole in my pocket. It was the first time I gambled with Dai DI and lost big. Oh well, I took it as an opportunity to know the people better, and bond better. After all, these bonds will help me see through lonely Dublin.

The weekend was rather uneventful. Saturday was mainly spend in the apartment as it was raining heavily. We ate at another Chinese restaurant for dinner, and got a free meal, as one of the people within the group is a good friend of the owner. I had early night after dinner, and did not participate in the Dai Di sessions. I spent Sunday out, exploring for a couple of hours and manged to visit the local university- trinity college. Trinity college is a rather large compound, and has lush green lawns and classical European style buildings. It was a beautiful sight, but it was also a little sad. Where are my blading khakis to take photos with me? The thought was really depressing and had took me a while to get it off my head. After the gang who went to the oriental and asian makets. There, I saw the familiar Maggie Mee, and was delighted, and hence bought 4 packets ( of 5)! Hurray.I don’t have to eat bread anymore! Until then, almost every meal that I “cooked” by myself is a sandwich.






Cooking In Ireland
As indicated above, almost every meal prepaid by me is a sandwich. Bread will be toasted and butter applied and a slice of ham or sliced roasted chicken thrown in. A quick meal that is quite filling but after a while I missed home cooked food. Sigh. Until my rice cooker arrives I can only make do- with Maggie mee at best. A significant improvement from Bread but still no wherewhere close to Singapore food

Missing You Guys
Yep. I must u guys. Period. Although its only been a week it feels like an eternity. Time passes slowly when you are alone, and distant. I miss blading, miss our craping session, dinners and clubbing.